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Archive for the ‘True confessions of a crappy housewife’ Category

As a parent, we all go through periods of distress and insurmountable love. I’m often taken by surprise when other parents don’t seem to be able to give their children the basic things that they need. One child in particular comes to mind and just today another thing to make me wonder comes up. He is often at school functions, band concerts, etc… his attendance is often manditory for a grade, you see. But more than once I’ve seen the child walking home afterwards, the first couple of times I did not realize this was what was going on until after the fact or I would have offered him a ride. It wasn’t just a short walk home, either. We’re talking four or five miles in the middle of December, after dark. The guilt I felt that he had to do that nearly broke me. I have decided that I will stop next time I see him, even if it turns out that he is just walking down the block. He is in class with my oldest son and my goddaughter, so maybe it will be ok. I do not understand how a parent could just disregard a child like that. I do understand that parents have obligations that they sometimes can’t get away from, but every single time? The kids tell me it happens constantly. How could anyone wonder that the child is so angry all the time? I would be angry, too. My heart aches for this child. I am not a perfect parent, I am well aware of my flaws, and I’m certain my kids will need some form of therapy or another. But I do hope they remember that their parents were there, or made sure that someone was there in their absence. That they loved them through the frustrations and rough patches.

 

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Oh how I love this time of the year. I am counting the days until I have a summer unfettered by schedules and drop off/pick up lines. I can sleep late, stay up late, indulge in  teenage behavior until my heart is content. Bliss.

This year is no different but the added relief of fewer trips to the gas pump has me down right giddy! Honestly, it might be cheaper to rent a house in that district instead of paying for all the gas, but we have a perfectly good home here…

But, who cares? It’s all out the window for now. I get to harass kids all summer long while resorting to my night owlish ways. Giddy!

I have added a yearly tradition to my schedule. I have been to pick strawberries twice this year and I plan to make it a habit. They are so much better than anything you can get at the grocery. Hands down a million times better. E has eaten so many that I think she’ll turn red any moment. I know for a fact that she’s eat an entire quart herself since Thursday. She’s still pretty tiny! I knew when our little plants were only producing a ripe berry every few days that I would have to do something. She would check them and say, “Meme, can I have that straawbwery?” hardly waiting until I washed it. The darn critters are beating her to her little treats, they like them very much, too.

Happy spring’s end to one and all, I plan to usher in the summer sleeping in, swimming, and otherwise enjoying our little domestication type situation. As aggravating  as kids are, they are so much fun to have around. I’m one of those parents who really does hate to see summer come to a close. I miss my little minion, they should be here doing my biding, no one else’s. TYVM.

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I am asking myself this every single day. An all out war on Unions. All the talk of governmental shut downs and the loss of pay to the government employees with the exception of the already wealthy bureaucrats that are not effecting a budget. The Libyan crisis and the lack of congressional approval, how the POTUS is teh bad for not procuring it first, never-mind the past few presidents (token white dudes, btw) used the same actions in other conflicts. Even the beloved Reagan made the very same executive decisions to use force in Libya… So much hypocrisy. The distrust and hate that is being pumped onto the general, miserable, public is disheartening.

We are all miserable at the moment, the economy isn’t on par, the job market is still terrible, people are suffering all over the place. It’s proper breeding grounds for people to prey on their weakened facilities. Plutocracy, it’s the new black. Make people believe it’s actually for their benefit, that it’s a good thing to lose their rights left and right. You’re worried about your second amendment rights when you’d give away your right to collective bargaining all the while calling the people who are fighting that fight greedy? Really? You think that you’re not next? It’s cute how you just roll over and let them beat you down without even realizing it. It’s all good fun when it’s someone else’s money they’re taking away, but when they come for yours, will you be ready?

Won’t even start on reproductive rights and gay marriage/rights. I don’t need the stress. I get so angry when people can’t just let it be. Take control of your own life and let everyone else make their own choices. If you don’t have a uterus to control, that’s just too bad for you. You obviously don’t have to marry another dude (or chick if that’s your gender), so why is it such a problem for someone else to marry another guy? It’s not, it’s just icky to you so therefore shouldn’t be allowed. Well, bigoted pricks are icky to me, but they’re allowed to breathe. Unfortunate, really.

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That I write with this ridiculous mix of text speak and some archaic nonsense. It’s not on purpose, I think that I actually speak this way.

While editing some written work, I keep thinking, “WTF? No, the heroin wouldn’t say something like, ‘I will leave your entourage as they are. Dr. Allen will have moved him away from where I am likely to show up. She’s freakishly keen.’ No, no, that won’t do.” *edits* I look up and it says something equally redonk. This is why I’ll never be published. I’ma go hang out on ff.net now, FTW. They’ll love me there. Awesome.

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is still up in my living room. I knew this would happen. I undecorated it, I packed all that stuff away, yet there the naked tree sits mocking me. It says, “Suck it, Biotch. I ain’t goin’ anywhere. You’re too lazy and full of excuses and no one else cares, so HA!” Stupid christmas tree.

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With the holidays my diet has been completely mad. For most people this is a fact of nature. For me it’s pretty dang scary. I’m searching for some ghost craving and it’s making me miserable. I eat foods that I don’t really want, then an hour later I’m looking for something again. It’s purely psychological, I think. It is possible it’s a need for nutrients, I’ve considered that, I am not good with the vitamins…

I should probably do the five day pouch reset, I’ve heard it can do pretty good things. Excuses, excuses, I know, but I hate protein powder. The reset consists of a lot of protein shakes and liquid dieting to which I’m no stranger. However, post surgery, I find that I am incredibly lazy and the protein powder has to be a certain brand. Which I have to order and I have to play holiday catch up first. I’ll probably try to modify the reset diet and watch what I’m consuming a little closer. Probably. I hate feeling this miserable, though.

It has been three and a half years since I took the trip to Monterrey, Mexico to have Gastric Bypass with Dr. Rumbaut. It was a terrifyingly exciting decision and for the most part I haven’t regretted it one bit. Losing weight didn’t change the things I thought it would. I’m still incredibly anxious and people shy. I am not able to start or hold conversations well. I still don’t like to get out of my house when I’m in a funk, which is a lot. I had thought when I was ‘skinny’ that would change too. No more depression because the fat wouldn’t be holding me back. It turns out, the depression wasn’t because I was fat. It was because I have a pretty serious tendency toward depression and severe anxiety. I still hate to shop, even if I can go into any store and buy clothing off the rack without worrying if it might fit. Funny how you can’t go into Victoria’s Secret even though you’re a size six because you’re convinced that everyone in the store knows you don’t belong because you’re way too fat. Hi, eating disorder.

Yet still, I’m happy with the outcome of my weight loss. I feel better physically, and I know now that the pain I was experiencing wasn’t just because I was ‘overweight’ as my PCP constantly suggested. It’s funny how people stop looking at your ailments as caused by your weight when you weigh 140lbs instead of 300+lbs. Same issue, but now magically it’s possibly RA or another auto-immune disorder instead of just Fatassitis. Sweet. Heh. I have a gorgeous two and a half year old that I wouldn’t have if not for the surgery.My kids don’t remember their mom being so unhealthily large and my husband thinks I’m great. Still. A pretty good dude, if a tad bothersome now with the ‘oh look a shiny new play thing!Eleventy!1’. Still incredibly cute though.

Life is a beautiful tragedy and no one makes it out alive. I have been blessed many times over and for that I am thankful. I haven’t the slightest idea how 2011 will go (one can only hope it looks better than 2010) but I do wish everyone a prosperous New Year full of joy, love, and good things.

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and building a house else where. It’s incredibly stressful and my anxiety is about a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10. Two procrastinators should never decide to do something or you know, decide to be mates. We are both horrid about putting stuff. He does this stuff for a living, and I imagine it gets way old. I’m just ready for something to happen. Standing on the edge looking over isn’t helping. I don’t know why change upsets me so.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly excited thinking about having a home built exactly the way we want it. We’re doing it all, design, execution, and follow up. I just hope this flare up goes away soon, it’s not helping my mood.

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I’m SICK of stupidity spewing from the thoughts of people I happen to otherwise like. It’s like all rationality just flies out the window. When Democrats were in fear of Bush, they were irrational haters. Nevermind the Patriot Act and all the ‘freedoms’ it took away, that’s not something you really need anyway, if you’re not breaking the law. Until you actually have your rights infringed upon, then it’s not ok anymore, you’re only really suppose to use it against those brown skinned terrorist. What?

Socialism, we hate it. We hate the very thought of it. Except when it benefits us. Like when the firemen come to put out the fire in your house. Or when the cops show up to take away the bad man that just broke into your house. Perhaps even when the teacher that imparts knowledge to our children. We’re ok with that. Don’t talk about health care, no way do we want some nationalize health care. We have perfectly fine health care right here, it’s called insurance. That is, until that insurance company denies our claims when we need a radical test like an MRI or some experimental ultrasound diagnostic. Then, wtf isn’t the government doing something about this ridiculous out of control faction? When we lose our job and our benefits that went with it and we need to see a doctor, what do we do then? Oh yeah, we suddenly decide we can see where these lowly people who want Universal Health care might be coming from. But, don’t worry friends, that won’t happen to us. We’re Republicans after all, we don’t lose our jobs. If we do, we’ll just go out and get another one. We’re good ol’ boys, our brothers in arms will take care of our needs. What do you mean we’ll see? Don’t be crazy. Liberals are just lazy hippies after all. They want everything for free, don’t want to have to work for it. Communists and Socialist bastards trying to ruin Ammurica. Maybe we should take a Psalms from the bible out of context and pray for the destruction of the POTUS, after all he’s a unAmerican muslim socialist who wasn’t even born in America. Oh wait, what do you mean Hawaii counts? I thought close only counted in horseshoes and hand grenades. Nevermind that same Psalms curses innocent children, beautiful little girls who live and breathe just like our children.

Oh and while I’m on about ridiculousness that irritates the shit out of me? On to Global Warming ONOES you liars. Now, I’ve always been a rather logical person. Science is an amazing process. Global warming isn’t just about the temperatures becoming higher all at once. It’s about the long term effects on the weather as a whole. Including, but not limited to, snow storms, tornado outbreaks, hurricane seasons, etc… Just because it’s cold today doesn’t mean the polar ice caps aren’t melting, Douchenozzle. Have fun swimming in from DC in a few years, friends. We’ll be here in middle America freezing our asses off via a man made ice age. (As long as we’re exaggerating, I can be ridiculous if I want!Eleventy!!1!)

Stupids, I’ma take my ball and go home. You’re all just a bunch of big booger eaters. Take that!

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I’m so sad, I hate the beginning of the school year. The adjustment to having the kids here at home and then not is hard on me. I miss them and the lazy summer days we spend together.

It’s a big transition this year. One starting 7th grade which in our little district is technically high school. One going into Kindergarten, a big transformation for her. A third grader thrown in for good measure and I have a full schedule. I am concerned about the big boy blending in with high school life and being able to hold on to the small grip of academics he had going on the end of year last year. Being socially awkward is incredibly hard, add in the other issues and my brilliant boy is hard pressed to withstand the pressure. I think he will do ok, it seems that he is ready, excited even, to go back. My big girl is also ready to start this new chapter in her life. She’s asked every day for the last three weeks if school is starting tomorrow! I imagine after the first few days she’ll be done with all that nonsense and want to stay home. None of that this time, no dropping out like we did with preschool.

The nursey girl is going to be none too happy. I imagine that I’ll be insane by Friday. No one to keep her busy? What? Crazy talk people, crazy talk.

My schedule is also lamenting the return of school. I do not want to get up at 5:30 am. That’s generally a time I don’t care to see ever. I like to sleep until at least 10am, thanksverymuch. I don’t have time for this, when will I facebook and tweet? When will I ever have time to like, do some nothing? Argh.

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This weekend will be full of hot, sprakly fun. The kids are dying to do fireworks, especially the five year old girl. She’s asked everyday since seeing the tents go up if it’s time yet. I don’t want to buy fireworks, does that make me bad?

Speaking of tents, what is up this year? Our town isn’t large by any means but I kid you not, there are 4 large tents within 400 yards of each other on one main road and 2 within a half of a mile on the other main road in. I’ve spent a lot of time going O_o?. Funniest thing? Our town doesn’t allow fireworks inside city limits. How bizarre.

Having a birthday party here for my best friend’s son and mom. Her mom will be fifty this year, she wanted to do something really special but no one would get behind it. I just hope she has a good day, the cake she has planned to make will be cute at the least. Her son is turning 8, any birthday when you’re that age is good. Suppose to clean house Friday, I’m already trying to make plans to be out of the house, heh. Isn’t that terrible of me?

All in all, I’m sure it’ll be a fine day. My grandma kind of seemed disappointed when I said we had stuff going on. I don’t know what she had planned, she wouldn’t say. I feel bad about that. Maybe when we go over there tomorrow she’ll say what she had in mind.

Happy Fourth of July. In light of worldly turmoil, we have a lot to celebrate. The freedom to enjoy the life we have made for ourselves, however great or sad it may be.

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