Archive for the ‘My life’ Category

Oh how I love this time of the year. I am counting the days until I have a summer unfettered by schedules and drop off/pick up lines. I can sleep late, stay up late, indulge in  teenage behavior until my heart is content. Bliss.

This year is no different but the added relief of fewer trips to the gas pump has me down right giddy! Honestly, it might be cheaper to rent a house in that district instead of paying for all the gas, but we have a perfectly good home here…

But, who cares? It’s all out the window for now. I get to harass kids all summer long while resorting to my night owlish ways. Giddy!

I have added a yearly tradition to my schedule. I have been to pick strawberries twice this year and I plan to make it a habit. They are so much better than anything you can get at the grocery. Hands down a million times better. E has eaten so many that I think she’ll turn red any moment. I know for a fact that she’s eat an entire quart herself since Thursday. She’s still pretty tiny! I knew when our little plants were only producing a ripe berry every few days that I would have to do something. She would check them and say, “Meme, can I have that straawbwery?” hardly waiting until I washed it. The darn critters are beating her to her little treats, they like them very much, too.

Happy spring’s end to one and all, I plan to usher in the summer sleeping in, swimming, and otherwise enjoying our little domestication type situation. As aggravating  as kids are, they are so much fun to have around. I’m one of those parents who really does hate to see summer come to a close. I miss my little minion, they should be here doing my biding, no one else’s. TYVM.

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That I write with this ridiculous mix of text speak and some archaic nonsense. It’s not on purpose, I think that I actually speak this way.

While editing some written work, I keep thinking, “WTF? No, the heroin wouldn’t say something like, ‘I will leave your entourage as they are. Dr. Allen will have moved him away from where I am likely to show up. She’s freakishly keen.’ No, no, that won’t do.” *edits* I look up and it says something equally redonk. This is why I’ll never be published. I’ma go hang out on ff.net now, FTW. They’ll love me there. Awesome.

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is still up in my living room. I knew this would happen. I undecorated it, I packed all that stuff away, yet there the naked tree sits mocking me. It says, “Suck it, Biotch. I ain’t goin’ anywhere. You’re too lazy and full of excuses and no one else cares, so HA!” Stupid christmas tree.

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With the holidays my diet has been completely mad. For most people this is a fact of nature. For me it’s pretty dang scary. I’m searching for some ghost craving and it’s making me miserable. I eat foods that I don’t really want, then an hour later I’m looking for something again. It’s purely psychological, I think. It is possible it’s a need for nutrients, I’ve considered that, I am not good with the vitamins…

I should probably do the five day pouch reset, I’ve heard it can do pretty good things. Excuses, excuses, I know, but I hate protein powder. The reset consists of a lot of protein shakes and liquid dieting to which I’m no stranger. However, post surgery, I find that I am incredibly lazy and the protein powder has to be a certain brand. Which I have to order and I have to play holiday catch up first. I’ll probably try to modify the reset diet and watch what I’m consuming a little closer. Probably. I hate feeling this miserable, though.

It has been three and a half years since I took the trip to Monterrey, Mexico to have Gastric Bypass with Dr. Rumbaut. It was a terrifyingly exciting decision and for the most part I haven’t regretted it one bit. Losing weight didn’t change the things I thought it would. I’m still incredibly anxious and people shy. I am not able to start or hold conversations well. I still don’t like to get out of my house when I’m in a funk, which is a lot. I had thought when I was ‘skinny’ that would change too. No more depression because the fat wouldn’t be holding me back. It turns out, the depression wasn’t because I was fat. It was because I have a pretty serious tendency toward depression and severe anxiety. I still hate to shop, even if I can go into any store and buy clothing off the rack without worrying if it might fit. Funny how you can’t go into Victoria’s Secret even though you’re a size six because you’re convinced that everyone in the store knows you don’t belong because you’re way too fat. Hi, eating disorder.

Yet still, I’m happy with the outcome of my weight loss. I feel better physically, and I know now that the pain I was experiencing wasn’t just because I was ‘overweight’ as my PCP constantly suggested. It’s funny how people stop looking at your ailments as caused by your weight when you weigh 140lbs instead of 300+lbs. Same issue, but now magically it’s possibly RA or another auto-immune disorder instead of just Fatassitis. Sweet. Heh. I have a gorgeous two and a half year old that I wouldn’t have if not for the surgery.My kids don’t remember their mom being so unhealthily large and my husband thinks I’m great. Still. A pretty good dude, if a tad bothersome now with the ‘oh look a shiny new play thing!Eleventy!1’. Still incredibly cute though.

Life is a beautiful tragedy and no one makes it out alive. I have been blessed many times over and for that I am thankful. I haven’t the slightest idea how 2011 will go (one can only hope it looks better than 2010) but I do wish everyone a prosperous New Year full of joy, love, and good things.

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and building a house else where. It’s incredibly stressful and my anxiety is about a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10. Two procrastinators should never decide to do something or you know, decide to be mates. We are both horrid about putting stuff. He does this stuff for a living, and I imagine it gets way old. I’m just ready for something to happen. Standing on the edge looking over isn’t helping. I don’t know why change upsets me so.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly excited thinking about having a home built exactly the way we want it. We’re doing it all, design, execution, and follow up. I just hope this flare up goes away soon, it’s not helping my mood.

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I’m not sure when the word cancer became synonymous with the end. Perhaps it is a lack of happy endings around me when it comes to cancer. My grandmother is 82 and quite healthy. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that before. She isn’t the typical frail older lady. She is still robust and head strong. She is quite certain she can handle any situation that life throws at her. She routinely offers to watch my twenty month old angelic little beast. Anyone with a not-quite-two-year-old should be able to appreciate what a job that is for anyone, let alone someone who is eighty years her senior. All of my life she has been a constant, sturdy and steadfast. She was the ultimate matriarch that kept our family functioning. Now, things have settled and there isn’t as much need for a matriarch, but when the need arises she handles it just fine, thanks. My mother passed away less than three years after my grandpa, who was the love of my granny’s life. That changed things considerably, it broke her heart, of course. But here are three of her girls still, my aunt, my cousin, and myself. She still cares for us like she always has. I have given her great-grandchildren and she is crazy about them, they all adore her, too. The baby has taken to following her around, begging to be picked up. No matter what she’s doing. Cooking, cleaning, whatever other chore she has given herself, that baby just does not believe in the word no. Granny picks her up and says, “I don’t believe I wanted you!” and gives her hugs and sugars all the while not putting her down until the task at hand has to be attended to at once. Things to do you know!

Last week the test results from a stomach scope came back. She’s been having gastric issues for at least two years that I can remember. We were talking about it with her GP when I was pregnant with Eva. She has a huge ulcer in her esophagus and her H.Pilori is out of control, apparently. There were also a few cancer cells coming from the ulcer. The gastro wasn’t too concerned, he suggested to my aunt that she may not even need treatment. They have referred her to an oncologist for consultation and he will make the final decisions where that is concerned. Her gastro also put my aunt to ease by saying that it wasn’t as serious a situation as my uncle has going on with his own gastro issues. She was happy with that and feels like things will be just fine. I am also feeling quite positive.

BUT, I  can’t help but panic. I can’t help but feel like I’m losing something. I know that she won’t be on this earth forever. With both of my parents gone, it feels like the only string holding me down is slowly unraveling. Only now, life is holding a blade to the string, taunting me. I’m not dealing with this situation.

I know that she will fight for what life she has left. She has an abiding love for her kids, especially these little ones. Her new ‘friend’ is a good incentive to be well. I know that her faith is unyielding. I know that her prognosis will be good and her grace will pull us through. I just wish my heart would quit with the dramatics.

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I’m so sad, I hate the beginning of the school year. The adjustment to having the kids here at home and then not is hard on me. I miss them and the lazy summer days we spend together.

It’s a big transition this year. One starting 7th grade which in our little district is technically high school. One going into Kindergarten, a big transformation for her. A third grader thrown in for good measure and I have a full schedule. I am concerned about the big boy blending in with high school life and being able to hold on to the small grip of academics he had going on the end of year last year. Being socially awkward is incredibly hard, add in the other issues and my brilliant boy is hard pressed to withstand the pressure. I think he will do ok, it seems that he is ready, excited even, to go back. My big girl is also ready to start this new chapter in her life. She’s asked every day for the last three weeks if school is starting tomorrow! I imagine after the first few days she’ll be done with all that nonsense and want to stay home. None of that this time, no dropping out like we did with preschool.

The nursey girl is going to be none too happy. I imagine that I’ll be insane by Friday. No one to keep her busy? What? Crazy talk people, crazy talk.

My schedule is also lamenting the return of school. I do not want to get up at 5:30 am. That’s generally a time I don’t care to see ever. I like to sleep until at least 10am, thanksverymuch. I don’t have time for this, when will I facebook and tweet? When will I ever have time to like, do some nothing? Argh.

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This weekend will be full of hot, sprakly fun. The kids are dying to do fireworks, especially the five year old girl. She’s asked everyday since seeing the tents go up if it’s time yet. I don’t want to buy fireworks, does that make me bad?

Speaking of tents, what is up this year? Our town isn’t large by any means but I kid you not, there are 4 large tents within 400 yards of each other on one main road and 2 within a half of a mile on the other main road in. I’ve spent a lot of time going O_o?. Funniest thing? Our town doesn’t allow fireworks inside city limits. How bizarre.

Having a birthday party here for my best friend’s son and mom. Her mom will be fifty this year, she wanted to do something really special but no one would get behind it. I just hope she has a good day, the cake she has planned to make will be cute at the least. Her son is turning 8, any birthday when you’re that age is good. Suppose to clean house Friday, I’m already trying to make plans to be out of the house, heh. Isn’t that terrible of me?

All in all, I’m sure it’ll be a fine day. My grandma kind of seemed disappointed when I said we had stuff going on. I don’t know what she had planned, she wouldn’t say. I feel bad about that. Maybe when we go over there tomorrow she’ll say what she had in mind.

Happy Fourth of July. In light of worldly turmoil, we have a lot to celebrate. The freedom to enjoy the life we have made for ourselves, however great or sad it may be.

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So, it’s been a long while since I updated. Such is my life. Things have certainly happened but I’ve been too ‘busy’ to blog about them. And by busy I mean I’ve been too ADD riddled to focus on anything more than a few nanoseconds.

We had some storm damage  over the weekend of the 12-14th. Both of our gorgeous bradford pear trees bit the dust. Right in the front yard, too. They were shading my little garden from the worst of the afternoon sun, too. Ugh. James got them all cut up and piled on the curb, doesn’t look like the city is going to pick them up though. We thought they might since all the neighbors were putting theirs out. Next few days probably mean we’ll be taking it to the landfill so they can make mulch out of it.

The garden is still looking good. I have a few ripe yellow tomatoes. They are yummy, though not as sweet as I thought they would be. Pretty little things though. I can’t wait to have enough to make a salad with! I also have a nice bell pepper. It’s growing quite well and I expect it to start turning orange any day now. The lettuce and arugula looks good, I suppose. I’m not exactly sure what it’s suppose to look like, in truth, or when to pick it for that matter. The biggest grower? The beans, wow, those guys have shot up and look so pretty in the flower beds. Good choice. Although the ants and ?aphids? love them. Oh, and I almost forgot my herbs. They are so tasty! We’ve been having dishes with fresh basil and dill almost nightly!  I’m waiting on a big harvest to make some fresh, homemade pesto.

The baby turned a year old last week. She also has started to walk as much as she can possibly make her little legs take her. She loves to practice. She’s hilarious toddling around like a little speed demon. Her real obstacle is that she wants to run instead of walk, it trips her up. You just want to eat her up all the time! The kids can’t leave her alone for more than five minutes at a time, I swear. She must think she’s some sort of side show!

Her birthday party was Saturday the 20th. She had it at the park. Lovely, new little park in my hometown. The kids all loved it, even though the heat was a bit overwhelming. The first really hot day of the year. She got lots of sweet goodies from us and the family/friends that were there. Her cake was a Wall-E cupcake cake in the shape of a ‘1’. They did an ok job, it certainly could have been better. I’m not even sure if I got a decent shot of the cake, I’ll have to see if S did on her Nana’s camera. It was interesting, ha, to say the least. But, I got EVVVA on the cake anyway, that’s all that mattered to me. Sweet Eva!

We went to Silver Dollar City and White Water this past weekend. The kids had a great time, though it was hot. Our good friends the Basta’s went along with us, including sister Britney and cousin Gracie! We rode lots of rides, including the Powder Keg (which I rode myself, along with James, Britney and Cobe!) The kids enjoyed the water rides but I wasn’t brave enough to get wet and then walk all the way back up the hill. It would have felt nice though, have I mentioned it was H O T? White Water was fun too. I even rode a few of those rides but not the fabled Kalani Towers. I have to say though, Britney kept her word to Storm and went down once! Storm had to ride WildFire at SDC in the bargain. I’m not sure who got off easier. They tried to get me on Wildfire but I couldn’t make myself, too many loops and stuff. Maybe when we go back in September~!

Want some bitchiness? I’m giving it away anyway. When you go out of town, you are sort of at the mercy of advertisements when it comes to what restaurants and things to choose. While researching last week for hotels in Branson, MO I didn’t think to look up ratings for dining establishments. It seems like at least once a trip while up there we get burned at a food joint. We’ve about decided that we’ll just make McDonald’s our eating stop of choice. Frankly, if you’re going to pay for crap it might as well be cheap and you know it’s crap before you get screwed! A good bit of places on the strip (Hwy 76) are aging. Instead of face lifts and refurbishing them, it seems they are trying to do small quick fixes. It makes you wonder who runs these places. Atmosphere is important! I don’t want to eat somewhere that looks like 1991 blew up in. Peach, mint green, and country blue are not your friend. We also ended up paying $13 for a buffet that tasted like it’d been sitting there all day after being warmed from the previous night’s left overs. Fantastic. Lesson learned, I’m going to keep a folder in my car of places both good and bad for reference.

We accidentally took a wrong turn and got a totally different route from the GPS unit. Sometimes I think that thing is great but others it just makes you raise an eyebrow. It was great until the smallest Basta boy got car sick from all the hills! Urk, literally. We made it though and things are all right in the world. We came home the proper route with limited trouble. I’m sun burnt, even with sunscreen application twice yesterday. I’ve no idea how that happened. Leason learned, buying regular lotion next time.

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The boxes are built, they’re waiting for some stable temps to get the stuff in the ground! I’m excited to get started, why can’t mother nature get on board with me. I think we may set out a few things tomorrow if it warms up a bit. I’m looking into a pop up seed starter greenhouse thing for next year if we decide to keep up with this gardening thing. Our seedlings are looking pretty good but it’s just not warm enough in the laundry room I think. They could use some warmth and I’m not sure how to provide it. The columbines look gorgeous already compared to everything else. Pretty typical, I’ve got all those veggies and herbs started and the flowers are the only things that are growing well. Ha.

J is suppose to bring home the slats for the frames today, he’s been saying he would for two weeks now, we’ll see. I am ready to get them looking like they’re suppose to! I think the lettuce could go out now too. My fil says that by the 15th it’s pretty much safe to put stuff out. He should know, he’s been doing this long enough. He always starts his tomatoes early but he didn’t this year, not after losing two crops in the past two years. But having a few survive is nice, eating tomatoes in June is awesome. I think he only put out six plants or so this year. Next weekend should be planting day. The corn went in on Saturday, C got to plant his row but S won’t get hers in until next Saturday if it’s not raining. She had a easter egg hunt to go to so she missed it. She’s so excited about planting. She wants carrots this year but I’m not sure where I could plant them down here and my fil says no way is he going to try it over there. Gophers are apparently a problem for him. I don’t think they’d be bad here, but I can’t say for sure. We don’t eat too many carrots, but I might be able to find more recipes to include them in if they came from our own labor! I can’t wait to see if the flowers come up in the flower beds. I’m not sure if they will but one can hope.

Easter was nice. We had dinner with Granny and the family. My aunt got two new puppies so afterwards we went to meet them. I see lots of visits in my future. She got a pekingese and a yorkie. The little pek is black with sable/white feet. I meant to get pictures but I forgot my camera at Granny’s, must remember to pick it up tomorrow! Anyway, her face is so sweet and she reminds me of the dog they had when I was a kid. It makes my heart ache to look at her, I loved that dog so much. The yorkie is tiny and delish, a sweet little thing. She kept licking my nostrils, nothing like it. They decided to name her Stormy because she’s afraid of thunder. Apparently she kept them up all night Saturday when the weather came through. The pek is named Gabby. She looks like a black, fat loaf of bread and I want her with a million wants. She’s so warm and fuzzy. The little yorkie is a delicate little thing and I just don’t know if I could manage one with all these kids. S wants to hold her all the time and I just don’t think a fragile little girl could make it in this house. C wanted to hold her too and he has good intentions and he’d never hurt her intentionally but he’s impulsive. S tends to want to take anything he has and you can see where this is going…

I feel bad for him, he’s got middle child syndrome poor dude. He’s been spending more time at the inlaws since he’s going to school over there while Hunter goes to school in this district. Next school year everyone will be going in the same district so less overnights for him. I think he’ll be unhappy about that. H won’t be happy either, I think the only reason he wants to go back down there is the mid week visits with Granny and Grandpa, ha!

Only six weeks or so left of the school year, I’m so excited about this! I want my boys home with me during day. That’s so bad but I miss them. S starts K in the fall, this excites me even more. She needs that to occupy her. She did well in preschool but doesn’t want to stay in because she would miss out on putting her head up my butt. Typical, but I did let her stay out. I’m afraid I’ll regret it later if I don’t spend this last bit of time with her. I miss my little angel though, she’s been a handful since the baby was born. Oddly, she’s not jealous of her, she’s jealous of the time E gets with me. She knows she has to go to K, no choice to drop out. That was the understanding when we let her drop out of preschool. In a way it was a selfish decision, we didn’t really have that extra money to take out of the budget every month. I’m really particular about who I leave the kids with and that comes with a price I guess. There were other options for less money, but what is $20 when it comes to peace of mind.

How did a post about gardening end up about my kids and school? I have no idea, oh wait, yeah I do. I have the attention span of a flea, I forgot. Oh, that reminds me. We got the report back from the complete work up of testing on H (finally got complete testing, but that’s a rant for another day) and everything looks good. I knew that they were going to dx him with high functioning autism that is consistent with Aspergers’ Syndrome but the report gives all the findings in a much easier to read/understand/remember format. It will help when it comes time for his 504 meeting which should be soon. Hey wait, I thought this post was done, wth? Now I really am going to go do something interesting. Actually, I’m probably actually going to roll around on the floor with the girls but interest is subjective, right?

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