Archive for February, 2010

I’m not sure when the word cancer became synonymous with the end. Perhaps it is a lack of happy endings around me when it comes to cancer. My grandmother is 82 and quite healthy. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that before. She isn’t the typical frail older lady. She is still robust and head strong. She is quite certain she can handle any situation that life throws at her. She routinely offers to watch my twenty month old angelic little beast. Anyone with a not-quite-two-year-old should be able to appreciate what a job that is for anyone, let alone someone who is eighty years her senior. All of my life she has been a constant, sturdy and steadfast. She was the ultimate matriarch that kept our family functioning. Now, things have settled and there isn’t as much need for a matriarch, but when the need arises she handles it just fine, thanks. My mother passed away less than three years after my grandpa, who was the love of my granny’s life. That changed things considerably, it broke her heart, of course. But here are three of her girls still, my aunt, my cousin, and myself. She still cares for us like she always has. I have given her great-grandchildren and she is crazy about them, they all adore her, too. The baby has taken to following her around, begging to be picked up. No matter what she’s doing. Cooking, cleaning, whatever other chore she has given herself, that baby just does not believe in the word no. Granny picks her up and says, “I don’t believe I wanted you!” and gives her hugs and sugars all the while not putting her down until the task at hand has to be attended to at once. Things to do you know!

Last week the test results from a stomach scope came back. She’s been having gastric issues for at least two years that I can remember. We were talking about it with her GP when I was pregnant with Eva. She has a huge ulcer in her esophagus and her H.Pilori is out of control, apparently. There were also a few cancer cells coming from the ulcer. The gastro wasn’t too concerned, he suggested to my aunt that she may not even need treatment. They have referred her to an oncologist for consultation and he will make the final decisions where that is concerned. Her gastro also put my aunt to ease by saying that it wasn’t as serious a situation as my uncle has going on with his own gastro issues. She was happy with that and feels like things will be just fine. I am also feeling quite positive.

BUT, I  can’t help but panic. I can’t help but feel like I’m losing something. I know that she won’t be on this earth forever. With both of my parents gone, it feels like the only string holding me down is slowly unraveling. Only now, life is holding a blade to the string, taunting me. I’m not dealing with this situation.

I know that she will fight for what life she has left. She has an abiding love for her kids, especially these little ones. Her new ‘friend’ is a good incentive to be well. I know that her faith is unyielding. I know that her prognosis will be good and her grace will pull us through. I just wish my heart would quit with the dramatics.

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I’m SICK of stupidity spewing from the thoughts of people I happen to otherwise like. It’s like all rationality just flies out the window. When Democrats were in fear of Bush, they were irrational haters. Nevermind the Patriot Act and all the ‘freedoms’ it took away, that’s not something you really need anyway, if you’re not breaking the law. Until you actually have your rights infringed upon, then it’s not ok anymore, you’re only really suppose to use it against those brown skinned terrorist. What?

Socialism, we hate it. We hate the very thought of it. Except when it benefits us. Like when the firemen come to put out the fire in your house. Or when the cops show up to take away the bad man that just broke into your house. Perhaps even when the teacher that imparts knowledge to our children. We’re ok with that. Don’t talk about health care, no way do we want some nationalize health care. We have perfectly fine health care right here, it’s called insurance. That is, until that insurance company denies our claims when we need a radical test like an MRI or some experimental ultrasound diagnostic. Then, wtf isn’t the government doing something about this ridiculous out of control faction? When we lose our job and our benefits that went with it and we need to see a doctor, what do we do then? Oh yeah, we suddenly decide we can see where these lowly people who want Universal Health care might be coming from. But, don’t worry friends, that won’t happen to us. We’re Republicans after all, we don’t lose our jobs. If we do, we’ll just go out and get another one. We’re good ol’ boys, our brothers in arms will take care of our needs. What do you mean we’ll see? Don’t be crazy. Liberals are just lazy hippies after all. They want everything for free, don’t want to have to work for it. Communists and Socialist bastards trying to ruin Ammurica. Maybe we should take a Psalms from the bible out of context and pray for the destruction of the POTUS, after all he’s a unAmerican muslim socialist who wasn’t even born in America. Oh wait, what do you mean Hawaii counts? I thought close only counted in horseshoes and hand grenades. Nevermind that same Psalms curses innocent children, beautiful little girls who live and breathe just like our children.

Oh and while I’m on about ridiculousness that irritates the shit out of me? On to Global Warming ONOES you liars. Now, I’ve always been a rather logical person. Science is an amazing process. Global warming isn’t just about the temperatures becoming higher all at once. It’s about the long term effects on the weather as a whole. Including, but not limited to, snow storms, tornado outbreaks, hurricane seasons, etc… Just because it’s cold today doesn’t mean the polar ice caps aren’t melting, Douchenozzle. Have fun swimming in from DC in a few years, friends. We’ll be here in middle America freezing our asses off via a man made ice age. (As long as we’re exaggerating, I can be ridiculous if I want!Eleventy!!1!)

Stupids, I’ma take my ball and go home. You’re all just a bunch of big booger eaters. Take that!

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