Archive for November, 2008

Yeah, so I kept the boys home from school today because of a dentist appointment we had early with the intention of checking them back in afterwards. All was going as planned until we got to the dentist’s office. They have no idea who I am and what I’m doing there. What in the crap is that? I had a message on my machine at home from them Friday reminding me of our appointments Monday at 9am. I thought maybe i was insane and went to the wrong place. I came home after checking my seven year old in school. There on my machine blinked a message. Take a guess who it was from? Yes, that’s right, the dentist’s office I’d just been in. They were wanting to know where I was and if I was going to miss our appointment. HELLO, I was just in there.

So I call the number back to try and get it all straightened out. Apparently when I called the number in the phonebook, it’s a call center or something. I have no real clue what happened but when the operator got back on the phone she told me the lady at the office was, ‘if you ask me’ rather rude. But she figured it got messed up with the other office. I should just call back and reschedule.

Not gonna do it, not with them anyway. That’s just a bunch of horse malarkey. I’ll take the kids somewhere they have a clue.

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PMS, is that you?

I am exclusively breastfeeding, the perks beyond a healthy baby and better smelling poop/puke are great for me. I can consume extra calories, sucks for my surgery but is good because I am a foodie. Anyway, one of the better perks is that Auntie stays away for a good long while. Tomorrow is five months since E was born, yippee.

The past few days have made me fear that maybe our dear Auntie might be thinking about stopping in uninvited, blargh. I don’t know why they couldn’t just take that pesky uterus out with the baby, it’s not like I’m going to use it anymore. I really hope that’s not the case and I’m just grumpy. I’ve also been without my meds, which is stupid on my part but I am HORRID about remembering to stop in the drug store when it’s open. Now, if it’s closed? Yeah, I remember like WHOA.

Today I hung out with my granny. She’s home from her vacation and no worse for wear. A little tired and annoyed but I think that’s a pretty constant state for her anyway, at her age. I’m always a little tired and annoyed too, so who am I to judge? Actually, mildly annoyed is a state I stay in regardless. (If I’m lucky it’s mildly, anyway.) I took her by this little burger joint for lunch. The place has been there forever, it looks like it’s been there forever, too. For the longest time, the prices didn’t go up much at all. The little burgers were quite cheap, really. Now, they’re too expensive to do more than treat yourself occasionally, to me anyway. I’m not suggesting that they’re $6 or anything but $2 for a tiny little cheeseburger w/ mustard, onions, and two pickles is just a bit much. Anyone ever heard of a little place called McDonalds? The meat mixture that they use is just bizarre, I’m not exactly sure what it is, probably more crackers than anything. But they are tasty little treats, I have to say. She said that last time she was in there you could get a bag of six for $2. Amazing what a couple of years changes. Granny told me the burger was exactly what she’d been tasting/wanting, so I was glad we’d stopped. Bless her.

She looks for any reason at all to try to get that occasional, “Why don’t you go to church with (insert BFF/granny/aunt/etc… here) then?” She brings things up and conversationally I’ll mention how much my BFF likes her church and how nice they seem. This is the intro. I have stopped saying much about it. I am glad that they find what they’re looking for in their faith. That’s perfect for them and kudos, all that. But, frankly, I don’t. My faith is much more complicated, it doesn’t see christianity as the end all be all. I’m happy just being and enjoying my family, my friends, and my life. I do wish that they’d let it be, but apparently that’s against the faith. Eh, whatever. I told you I was mildly annoyed all the time, right?

I am bound and determined to get her to brine the turkey this year. I know that she’d be happy with it if she ever did, but she’s totally against all my cooking ideas. I make good food a good portion of the time, I don’t get what the problem is. Gonna get the stuff this weekend and demand that she send the turkey home with me. I’ll do the bird, I’ll do it up real hard.

Where is my laundry lady? Did someone order me one? I thought one would come with the house but it didn’t. Bastards, always trying to hold me down.

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Sometimes I accidentally get good shots. I love this one.

She’s about four months old in this one.

Evi was 3 months old. I can’t take pictures of her without a huge audience. The four year old keeps asking me, perpetually every day, “Is this a good picture, mama?” as she snuggles up to the baby/dog/brother/tree.
The halloween puppy. It was too warm for that outfit. When I bought it, it was so cold I thought we might not be able to take her out. I love living here in what I call Weather Hell. Don’t like it? Stick around a minute, it’ll change.


This guy? Why is he so awesome? I’ll tell ya. He loves his babies and even when they’re mad at the world for simply having the gumption to exist he’ll still lets me roll around in the yard and take pictures of the rest of the kids. Yeah, she doesn’t like to be away from the food source, I am thinking we might wean when she’s ten or so, at this rate.

He’s prone to saying the wrong things, accidently. Things that he doesn’t really mean at all, what he meant to say was something entirely different. It took me a long time to just be able to laugh with him when he made these gaffs. It’s endearing now, I fake mad just to get him to suck up for a few minutes. I won’t lie, I love being the center of his attention occasionally. Or all the time.

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I’ve been reading over at Pioneer Woman the past couple of days. Someone turned me onto her blog and I bookmarked it probably last month sometime. I read a post or two and got distracted. Sometimes I get bored and wander around my bookmarks (yeah, I know, bored with four kids? How ever do I do it?) . I got all engrossed in her archives and, in truth, her life.

See, when I was about sixteen, a sophomore in high school, our Ag teacher was a woman named Susan. I adored Susan. She was everything I wasn’t, strong, outgoing, fearless, I could go on. When the year ended, so did Susan’s job with our school. I won’t go into that travesty, let’s just say that our school board is a bunch of dirty dogs for that. I was heartbroken. I had my heart set on being the FFA sweetheart my Sr. year. I was going to pull it off. I was an officer for two years, I carried the horticulture team and public speaking events (ironic, no?). When Susan left, so did my passion for Ag. Not just because she wouldn’t be my teacher but because another teacher would be coming back that I did not care for and would not elect to take classes with, period.

Looking back, I realize that Susan must have been born with extraordinary patience for kids. Even though she was raised in a rodeo family and somewhat quick to temper if the mood struck, she put up with me hanging around for a few years. She lived about an hour and a half away from me, with herĀ  parents and her daughter, on a tiny ranch. I learned a lot about independence from those short weekend trips to visit her. Having children now, I can imagine that my mom was worried about me driving that distance in my old truck. After all, even though I didn’t grow up on a farm, I am a pure bred country girl. There has to be a truck in the picture, and man was it ever ugly. Anyway, when I was there we did whatever they had going on. Usually JHRA rodeos and events. Susan was a barrel racer, she’d competed on a national level in college. So in turn, her daughter was also a barrel racer. Susan was devoted to her daughter and a great mother. Her parents were awesome, if not a bit weird. I loved her mom, she was insanely strong and put up with a lot. Her father was a hilarious man. He did not take no for an answer, period. My shyness and reluctance to try any of the things they were doing were not going to get in the way. Their relationship was sound though he drove everyone crazy. Luckily, he was a truck driver and gone a lot.

I learned to adore the life they lived. It was so romantic in my head and I wanted that sort of a life. I’d always loved horses, I still do. But in truth, I doubt I will ever be a real horse woman despite the love. I’m petrified of heights, even just a few feet. That fear makes it impossible for me to relax enough for a horse to get comfortable. In other words, I’m neurotic.

So, back to the point, reading that blog reminded me of that life I once dreamed of. I’d never pull it off, I’m way too lazy. And hard work is for like, the stronger than me. My husband, he’s a man of many talents and strengths. He works about as hard as anyone I know and he’s got a work ethic like whoa. He could probably pull it off, he’s just that determined when he sets his mind to something. He keeps telling me he wants to buy a few cows to raise for beef. I laugh, and say yeah, that’d rock. I love fresh beef, it’s great. Maybe one day we’ll do that, right now I’m too busy living in a little subdivision with real neighbors. Not that I am over involved with my neighbors but I do have them and wave occasionally. I grew up in a small town, with neighbors. I lived during the week with my grandparents, on the weekends I stayed with my mom who lived in the ‘country’. I’m conflicted, no one ever said otherwise.

Funny thing about us is that even though we live in ‘town’, it’s still small town America. The town I grew up in had a population of around 450 people. I was related to a good number of them. My husband grew up in the next town over (where the school was, both towns in the same district) and coincidentally, he’s related to about half of that population, 625 or so. We have mutual cousins, by marriage. Our children have double cousins. Though down the line quite a bit. Nothing fishy going on, it’s just life. My great grandmother had 22 live births, that’s not counting miscarriages. Fifteen of those kids lived to adulthood, twelve of them had kids of their own. My fil has 8 brothers and sisters, so you see how down the line it’s bound to get convoluted some how. I started my life living in a small town south of where I’d grow up. As it so happened, my husband’s family lived there as well. My dad and his mother were in the same class in school. I’m positive that he must have been around some of the get togethers my parents had with their best friends. Small world and all that. He’s seven years older than I am, so I would have been just a little brat to him at the time. He doesn’t really remember, not surprising though, I was notoriously shy. My parents divorced and my mom moved us next to my grandparents (her parents) and we lived there until she got remarried and moved to the country, four miles away. So all that just to say, I’m still just a little redneck girl.

I think about Susan from time to time. I haven’t spoken to her in at least six or seven years. I wouldn’t have any idea how to get ahold of her now. I drove by her place a few months ago, just to see if anything looked familiar or if maybe someone was outside. No one was, and it did look the same but changed, of course. I didn’t think anyone would remember me and that would be weird, so I didn’t stop. I wanted to. I had my new baby and my eleven year old with me. Thing is, even though I’d like to reconnect with Susan, I know that she’ll be disappointed. She wanted things for me that my own mother wasn’t really interested in. She wanted me to go to college, graduate, have a life, then get married. I sucked at college. I stuck it out for a year. OUt of like 24 credits taken, I think I ended up with only 9. It’s not that I’m not smart enough, it’s that I lack drive. And attention. Oh look, a bunny…

My life? It’s not bad. I’ve had struggles, I’ve had heartbreaks, but I’ve also enjoyed some of the most beautiful experiences that I will cherish forever. It’s not a college degree and independence like Susan envisioned. It’s a different type of independence, I did make my own path. I am married to the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen, I am still madly in love with him after nearly thirteen years together. I have four of the cutest kids I know. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and clothes on our backs. Is life really better than that? At the end of the day, I’m totally ok with skipping out on college. My life experience might not get me a good pay scale, but they make life on earth more like heaven, every day. Oh, that sounds like a romantic load of bull hockey, I get that. I get mad, I get frustrated, I get down right mean sometimes, but it’s still right where I want to be.

So, Pioneer Woman, rock on! Your life sounds like a dream, and you live it up! Even though I feel a little envy, I know I couldn’t pull it off. I’m too lazy. Fat or skinny, I’m lazy. I really thought maybe it’d go away with the pounds. It didn’t. Heh. I get mad at my eleven year old for being so frustratingly lazy, then I remember I can’t be too mad. He gets it from me. He gets it from watching ME, dang it!

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So all of a sudden…

It’s November and I’m still not ready for the holiday season! Where did it come from? I’ve no idea what I’m going to do for the baby. Still trying to figure out if a high chair is a worthy investment since she’s our last. Probably just get a booster for her for Christmas. She really doesn’t seem to be interested in food, she’s all about her chichi’s.

The other kiddos are getting things off their wish lists. I’ve already covered S, hers was easy, a DS bundle. The boys are lined up but not purchased yet. J made me promise that I wouldn’t buy anything for him this year but we both know I will. He’s the one that doesn’t get the clue that I do this every year and doesn’t get me anything. I’m not sure if that makes me the bad one or him? Last year I spoiled him, I won’t have the funds to do that this year though. But I’ll still get him something special.

The elections turned out the way I’d hoped. I have been filled with anxiety for weeks and now that it’s over I find myself still knee deep in it, but for another reason. I fear for Michelle Obama, as a woman who loves her husband as much as Michelle seems to, I can’t imagine living with the constant threats that he’s receiving right now. Sore losers or real threats, who can tell? I know what it’s like to feel like you’ve been punched straight in the gut after an election, 2000 and 2004 come to mind. You just have to move on and put it behind you. Let the cards fall where they will and stop hating shit. Especially dumb stuff, untruths and lies. My family isn’t happy so I try not to mention it. My husband’s family hasn’t said much one way or the other, they don’t get too excited about anything like that. As for our house, we were united, even the kids were excited about it.

I still suck at this domesticated bliss thing. I can not seem to run a seamless house. I have been spending time with my grandma in the mornings again. I don’t understand how someone who is nearly 82 has the energy to do the things she does. She takes care of her house, cooks, and does laundry with the efficiency of four women a third her age. Since both of my parents are gone, I’m trying to let my kids have as much of an experience with her as possible without tiring her out. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not superwoman. She does get tired and after a few hours of all four of them she’s ready for me to go home. I get that, I’m ready to escape after about four hours, too! S has really flourished being with her, she’s a preschool drop out. Yes, I’m the evil, letting her drop out like that. We had an understanding that in no way, shape, or form would she be allowed to bow out of Kindergarten. It’s the last time I’ll get to spend any real time with her before she goes on to school. I still miss my boys, I wish I had the discipline to homeschool. I’m jealous of those who can pull it off. I bet my grandma could do it. Heh. I will sorely miss her when she’s gone, I realize this and am trying to make it so that I don’t feel guilty about not spending as much time as possible with her now. She has a boyfriend now. She’d be mortified to know I’m broadcasting that to teh internets but such is life Granny! She is really fond of him and he seems completely smitten with her. They are off on a vacation right now with her sister and friend. They’ll be going again at the end of the month. No one could ever replace my awesome grampa, but W is a funny guy and I’m glad he makes her happy. He fills in a lot of lonely voids that the past eleven years have presented!

J is going hunting this weekend, I hope he gets something. We could use the meat (and dog food) for this winter. Looks like times are about to be stupid lean. I don’t even want to look at my portfolio for this month and last. It almost makes me physically ill.

I’m off to not clean my house or fold some laundry. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow, right?

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